Vulnerable
by sydtaylor
Summary: Throwback to the Marauders. It's Christmas. Lily Evans and James Potter have been together for two months. Just a Jily one-shot :)


Christmas. Christmas was in the air as Lily got dressed and went down to the Great Hall for breakfast. She could practically smell the festivities that would arrive next week. Christmas was Lily's favourite time of year. Not for the gifts, but for the joy it seemed to bring everyone. Maybe that had something to do with gifts for the rest of her peers, but not for Lily.

As Lily stepped into the Great Hall, she was unexpectedly swept off her feet and spun around. "Happy almost Christmas, love," said James, her boyfriend of two months. Lily looked up and placed a kiss on his cheek. James was a git, but he sure could be romantic.

"Happy almost Christmas, James," the girl returned. They proceeded to find their usual spot at the Gryffindor table, walking hand in hand. "Happy almost Christmas!" Lily told everyone as they reached their friends.

"I suppose," replied Sirius Black, one of James's friends.

James took a seat next to Sirius and put an arm around him. "What's up, Black? Has your nutter of a mum informed you that you won't be getting any gifts this year?" He said with mock sympathy.

Sirius sighed. "No, but my nutter of a mum sent me an owl this morning telling me that she wants me to come home this Christmas."

Small gasps went around the group of friends. "But Sirius," said Marlene Price. "It's your last year at Hogwarts, I thought we all agreed to stay?" Numerous nods of agreement followed. "Plus, you… you know, left."

Sirius nodded. "That's why I wrote back and told her she was bloody mad if she thought I would set foot in that house again." Sirius deterred further questions by digging into his plate of sausages and eggs.

"Well," Lily said cheerily. "Let's not let Sirius's mum ruin a perfectly good Christmas!"

As the other friends returned to their breakfast, James turned to his girlfriend. "So, love. What are you getting me for Christmas?" He asked, a smirk on his face.

"Who says I'm getting you anything?" The redhead replied. The truth was, she hadn't gotten him anything yet. There was a Hogsmede trip this weekend, she would have to find something then.

James looked down, faking sadness. "I guess I'll have to return that lovely jumper I picked up at Hogsmede, then. Oh and that loot from Honeydukes…. Ah well."

Lily sent him a playful punch. "You're a right git, you know that, James Potter." She laughed. "And wait… how did you get into Hogsmede when we haven't had a trip in nearly two months? You're Head Boy, you know, you musn't be breaking the rules like that."

"Spare me the lecture, Ginger," he winked. "Maybe I just like to plan ahead."

Lily rolled her eyes. "You don't plan, James. Everyone knows that. You despise planning. You are the most stupidly spontaneous person I have ever met."

"I was under the impression you thought my spontaneity was hot."

"Oi!" Came a shout from a bit down the table. "Get a room!" It was Donna Shacklebolt, another seventh year and one of Lily's best mates.

"I would," James shouted back. "If Lily would!"

His girlfriend sent him another punch, almost real this time. "Stop embarrassing me, will you? Merlin."

James laughed, his eyes crinkled. As annoyed as Lily was with him at the moment, James's laugh never ceased to give her butterflies. She didn't let it show, though. "Just stating the obvious, love," James said with another wink.

After that, Lily decided it was time to eat. She piled on sausages, pancakes, bacon, and loads of maple syrup. Just as she was about to dig in, Lily remembered the Transfiguration assignment that she didn't finish last night. Searching around for someone who could help her, Lily spotted Adam McKinnon a few seats down. He agreed to accompany her back to the common room. This was good, because Lily needed to talk to him about something else, too.

As they were nearing the Fat Lady, Lily said "Adam… this is a bit embarrassing, but I need your help."

Adam smiled, ever the sweetheart. "What is it, Lily?" Wow, she thought. If James Potter didn't exist and him and Marlene weren't soulmates….

"I, um… I need help finding a gift for James. And I figured, he's a boy, you're a boy, so-"

"Of course I'll help you," Adam cut her off.

Lily grinned, relieved. "Thank you so much, Adam." He nodded, accepting her thanks. "I know we're dating and it's been two months and I should really know him better by now-"

"Lily," he cut her off again. "It's quite alright. I had no plans for this weekend anyway. And how better to get in the Christmas spirit than to buy gifts?" Adam finished just as they reached the Fat Lady.

"_Alementia,_" Lily addressed the Fat Lady. "Now, on to that Transfiguration assignment…."

Later that night, the Marauders were lounging about their usual table-and-chairs by the fire. James and Sirius were working on (no doubt) late assignments.

"You seem like a happy camper, Prongs," observed Remus Lupin. It was true. James had been grinning like a bloody bastard all evening. "It worries me. What are you planning, dear friend?"

James raised his thin black eyebrows, smirking. "Not planning, exactly." he stated. "Or maybe I am planning… but it couldn't really be considered a plan anymore if it was half-way carried through, could it?" the Marauder asked rhetorically.

"Here's an idea," said Sirius, looking up from his Potions book. "How's about you stop being so sodding enigmatic and get whatever's causing you to be so ecstatic off your chest?"

"I can't," James replied, looking down at his Astronomy chart and evoking further curiosity from his mates. At that moment, Lily appeared from girl's dormitory.

Sirius grinned, a mischievous look in his eye. Both Remus and Peter rolled their eyes. "Oi, Evans!" he called out, beckoning for the girl to come over. She complied, making her way through the crowded common room. "You and Potter haven't been, er… doing the deed by any chance?"

"Sirius..." scolded Remus, shaking his head.

There was shock on Lily's pale face as her eyes grew wide. Of course James had made a move on her here and there, but she was adamant to save herself for the right time. Lily didn't really know what the right time was, though. The red-head quickly regained her composure and replied smoothly "You'd like that, wouldn't you, Sirius."

"Yes, I very much would," the boy snorted. "At least it would give me an answer to why he's so bloody happy! Could you provide us with any insight on this?"

Lily tilted her head to the side, her brow furrowing. "I'm afraid I haven't the faintest," she said. With that, she crossed the common room to go sit with Marlene and Donna.

"Well this has gotten us nowhere," Remus sighed. "James will do what James does."

James smirked. "Wait, boys. It's a Friday night. What the bloody hell are we doing sitting in the common room?"

"Yeah!" Sirius agreed. "Let's go get drunk and find some girls!"

James and Sirius began discussing who in their year they'd most like to sleep with (Sirius had already slept with most) when Remus interrupted them. "We're not getting drunk and we're not getting laid." He said sternly.

"By 'we' I hope you're referring to you and Peter…" started Sirius.

"Because two out of four say that they'd like to get pissed." finished James.

Remus shook his head. "_James. You have a girlfriend. _You can't go sleeping around with other girls." He turned to Sirius. "Plus… we haven't got any firewhiskey left."

"What?" Sirius gawked at him. "We haven't been out of firewhiskey since… since…"

"Since third year, when we first figured out how to sneak it into the dormitory!" James chimed in.

"How? How could we run out?"

"Well…." Remus said guiltily. "…I may have finished a bottle one night after Holly Vane broke up with me."

James and Sirius looked at each other. "I suppose we'll have to smuggle some from the Three Broomsticks tomorrow."

"Yeah!" exclaimed Lily, taking yet another item off the shelves at Zonko's. "This is great, thank you so much Adam!" After much discussion, Adam and Lily had decided that the best place to get James's gift was Zonko's. The Marauders were notorious pranksters, always looking for new jokes to play. They headed to the cashier with five Dungbombs (a Marauders staple), two bags of Hiccough Sweets (to trick first and second years), a new set of Nose-Biting Teacups (Lily would have to make sure not fall for that again) and a pack of Sugar Quills (good for discreet in-class nibbling).

Adam set the loot down and the lanky male behind the counter began to bag it. "I really don't think James could ask for much more," he surveyed the products.

"I know! He's going to love it!" Lily did a little clap. She loved giving. Getting was nice, but it was seeing the look on her friends' faces that really made her Christmas every year. The two seventh years stepped outside. Lily gave Adam a big hug and a peck on the cheek. "You're a really great guy, Adam. Thank you so much for coming with me today."

Adam nodded. "You're welcome, Lily. I'll see you later, I have to go meet Marlene." With that, Adam started towards the Three Broomsticks. Lily hid the Zonko's bag in her own bewitched purse and looked around for James. They were supposed to meet by the (now frozen) fountain half a block down from Zonko's, but Lily couldn't find him anywhere. She assumed he was already at the Three Broomsticks, so she caught up with Adam and walked with him.

"James, you know they're just friends!" Remus pleaded, jogging to catch up with his infuriated mate. James had waited by the fountain in Hogsmede for Lily, but after she was ten minutes late, he'd decided to go look for her. Just as he reached Zonko's Joke Shop, Lily came out with Adam. James had gone to greet them when his girlfriend wrapped her arms around the latter and placed a kiss on his cheek. The Quidditch Captain had stormed away, with Remus close behind.

"Then why were they fucking inches away form snogging?" He snapped, turning around to face the other Marauder. Remus noticed that his mate had the beginnings of tears in his eyes.

"Prongs, you know that Lily would never slag around, she's not that kind of girl!" James wouldn't listen. He was blinded by anger and sadness. He started towards the castle again, not heading this time.

"Just leave me the fuck alone, Remus!"

Lily was busy asking around the Three Broomsticks if anyone had seen James. According to Madam Rosmerta, he hadn't been in today. Lily sat down at Adam and Marlene's table, exhausted. "I can't believe he blew me off," she sighed. "I mean, he's James sodding Potter, I should've been expecting this at some point…"

Just then, Remus Lupin burst through the door. "Lily!" he cried, rushing over to her.

"Whatever's the matter?" the redhead inquired. She had never seen orderly, perfectly composed Remus in such disarray before.

"James," he explained. "James saw you and Adam… outside Zonko's… he's up in the castle, you must go talk to him." Remus said between deep breaths. The colour drained from Lily's face. James must've seen them hug, and the kiss on the cheek… he must think she was slagging around with Adam… but Lily would never….

She turned around and bid farewell to her friends, hurrying out and up to the castle. Lily didn't know what she was going to say, surely she couldn't tell him that she'd had no idea what to get him for Christmas, it was too embarrassing. And James didn't and wouldn't listen to anyone when he was angry.

It must've broke his heart, Lily thought.

Lily's mind was going a million miles per hour, a thousand thoughts whizzing through her brain as she gave the Fat Lady the password and entered the common room. There, she found her distraught boyfriend on the sofa by the fire.

"James…." she said, her voice barely more than a whisper.

He turned to her, but couldn't look her in the eye, so he focused on the loose threads on the back of the sofa cushion. "You could've broken up with me first. Or was that your big Christmas gift?" There was so much anger in his eyes, and it tore through Lily's heart. "Adam must be one fucking happy lad. When were you planning on telling Marlene? Isn't she one of your best mates?"

Tears formed in Lily's eyes. "James, you know I would never," she said as smoothly as possible, trying not to let her voice waver. "Adam and I, we're just friends, I swear." The tears were threatening to pour over, Lily had to look away. She swallowed the lump in her throat and went on. "We were just buying Christmas gifts, James! I'm not an adulterer, you have to believe me."

James sighed. "And what if I don't, Lily? How can I be sure you're not just a worthless slag? How do I know you haven't been snogging Adam McKinnon for months? How do I…" his voice faltered. Lily could see that he was about to cry. Lily had made James Potter, the brick wall of emotion, cry. But she didn't even do anything.

"It's Christmas, James! I can't lose you!" Lily wiped away the tears that were now flowing down her cheeks. "I need you."

"Then what the bloody hell were you and Adam doing in Zonko's, if you weren't snogging in a broom cupboard at the back?" James felt something warm running down his face, settling on his chin. He lifted his hand and felt it was wet. He was crying.

"Buying gifts, I told you!" Lily shouted. She hadn't realized that she'd raised her voice. It didn't matter anyways, there was no one in the castle. "Why can't you just believe me?!"

"Because I'm afraid, Lily!"

And Lily could see that he was. For the first time ever, Lily had seen James Potter vulnerable. They'd known each other for years, but all this time he had been stoic. Not showing any negative emotion, save for anger. But now, he had let his guard down. Ever since he started dating Lily, he'd been vulnerable. She just couldn't see that. Now he was crying.

"I'm afraid that you really are snogging Adam! I'm afraid that you fancy him over me! I'm afraid that you don't feel the same way I do! Because…."

He paused. Lily knew what was coming next, and it filled her stomach with butterflies.

"….because I love you, Lily Evans."

"James," she gushed, her tears now of joy. She hurried over and around the sofa, practically jumping on him. He embraced her, resting his head on her shoulder. "I love you too, James, I really do. I would never cheat on you, never ever."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Mary McDonald, in the Gryffindor seventh year girls' dormitory hours later.

"He loves you!" shrieked Marlene Price, jumping up and down on Lily's four poster bed.

"What a fantastic Christmas," Mary sighed, flopping down on her bed. "I wish I loved Thomas, but he's just so…"

"So average?" Donna Shacklebolt offered. She was seated on her bed, her attention divided between the ecstatic girls and her Potions homework.

"Yeah."

"Alright, I'm hungry." Marlene stated. "I'll see you lot later."

"Hold up, I'll go with you," called Mary.

"I'm going down too," decided Donna. "You coming, Red?"

Lily shook her head, and the girls left her alone. Looking out the window, she found herself playing over the afternoon's events in her head. James loved her. James was vulnerable. James had cried. James loved her. James _loved _her. She was honestly the happiest girl on Earth, she believed.

"You go first!"

"No, you go first!"

"You have to go first!" Lily insisted. She shoved her gift into James's lap. They were sitting on the common room floor quite late on Christmas Eve, battling over who was to open their present first.

"Fine." James relented and tore the tissue paper out of the top of his bag. He then pulled out the treasures inside. "Sugar Quills! Wicked, I've been meaning to get some more. A new set of Nose Biting Teacups! Brilliant, my other set's broken…." James continued to grin as he pulled the remaining gifts out.

"You like it, then?" Lily grinned herself.

"It's bloody fantastic, Lily. You're the best." He leaned across his pile of favours and placed his lips upon Lily's. James set a small box down on her knee. "Your turn, love."

Lifting the box up, Lily examined it closer. It was velveteen, a deep purple that she thought was just beautiful. She delicately opened it and her eyes grew wide as they fell upon what was inside.

"Oh, James…." Her boyfriend had gotten her a necklace. It was gold, the shape of a heart with intricate carvings around the edges and a gorgeous "L" in the middle. Lily removed the necklace from the box and found little hinges on the side. It was a locket.

"Open it," James coaxed.

She complied. Inside was a small picture of the couple, laughing and throwing leaves up in the air. It was a photo Remus had taken in October, just two weeks after they had started dating. It was Lily's favourite picture (moving picture, that is) of them. She opened the clasp and put it around her neck.

"I love it, James. I love you. Happy Christmas." Lily moved James's loot out of the way and laid across his lap.

"I'm glad," he replied, looking down at her with pure love in his eyes. "I love you too. Happy Christmas, Lily."

And there they sat, not talking, not moving, until both of them got to tired and headed up to their dormitories.


End file.
